Never mind the Premier league, League Two Portsmouth FC are allegedly in negotiations to sign the biggest shirt sponsorship deal in UK history. Here we reveal the name for the first time.

The Blue & White shirts of Portsmouth FC are famous throughout the world or at least those in the World who frequent the bargain rails of sports retailers like Sports Direct, indeed it is rumoured that Mike Ashley's bail out of Scottish club Rangers was only made possible when he was able to shift a job lot of Pompey shirts in his stores.

But the Blue Few have not been enamoured of their sponsors in recent years claiming that having the word Jobsite across the front of their shirts lays them open to all sorts of ridicule for some reason.

Therefore the Pompey board has decided that for season 2015/16 that the greatest club in World history should not be open to such joshing and that for next season a sponsor would be sought who would not only be frothing at the mouth to be able to market their product to 13,000 die hards plus the few hundred who are still awake in the final minutes of the Football league Show on a Saturday, but who would be willing to pay a record amount to do so, an amount that would dwarf the £47 million that Chevrolet paid to Manchester United this year.

But even Pompey's gigantic pull could not attract that sort of money and after much research it was decided to split the shirt sponsorship between three different companies.

Of course the motor industry figured highly in the bidding war but eventually petrol company "Total" agreed that they would be the first name on the shirt for next season for a huge undisclosed sum.

The intrepid Pompey research team then looked for a second sponsor, they had decided that a clothing company would fit the bill for the second sponsorship after seeing the money that Sunderland raised from their sponsor Bidvest, if they could get £5 million from an underwear company then what could Pompey get for their much sort after shirt front.

The answer turns out to be high street brand FCUK, despite having a store in Southampton's West Quay and thus being "scummmmmmaaaaaahs" they had the dosh to weigh in, so they were quickly approached.

But where should they go for the third and final sponsor, something with a Pompey twist perhaps, again much effort was put into finding someone who had close connections with the Portsmouth area, then an article in the Portsmouth News, the local paper caught their eye, apparently after the home defeat to Accrington Stanley back in December the last surviving post box on Portsea Island had been destroyed in the traditional post match riot that follows defeats of this nature, this has meant that the Royal Mail is no longer able to operate in the PO Post codes and that all mail now has to be sent by private companies.

One of those companies UPS had seen its share prices soar in the wake of that last post box being burned down and was keen to promote its services to Pompey fans, again there were worries in the Portsmouth boardroom, after all it could be construed that the initials UPS could stand for U P Saints, but with rain leaking into the Fratton Park boardroom and a piece of guttering flying past the window into the street as they deliberated, the Pompey Boards Low Net Worth members were in no position to be picky , especially as they weren't sure if Fratton had an insurance policy on it with the Meerkat yet to arrive due to postal issues.

So the deals are now on the verge of being signed and Portsmouth Football Club will make history as being the first club to have three, yes you read it right THREE main sponsors emblazoned across the chest.

There are still a few things to be tied up but the Pompey Low Net Worth's feel that they have three sponsors who will be totally in line with their ethics and will convey the very essence of Portsmouth Football Club on the shirts, so here for the first time we can reveal the Portsmouth FC Shirt Sponsorship for 2015/16

TOTAL FCUK UPS

Photo: Action Images

wswutltfaciwt added 19:43 - May 5 Ha good bantz, One question - did you steal this idea from this Newcastle Tweet yesterday: https://instagram.com/p/2QKrtcwRg6/ or from this 2010 post about England: http://cinnamonbrainstorm.blogspot.co.uk/2010/07/total-fcuk-and-ups-in-joint-spo
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